Hello my beloved,
It is me, the awakened Divine Feminine. As you slumber, know that I am here, awake. Paving the way forward for you. It has been painful for me, being awake with you asleep next to me. For a long time, I felt frustrated with you for this. Extremely frustrated. But that feeling is now starting to ebb away. I felt like I was here, doing my work. And you? You were no where to be found. That’s how I saw it for a long time. But I now realise that is not the only way to look at this. I understand that as I have had my journey.. you have had yours. Not the same, but each with it’s own challenges. Now that I have taken a look within, and really allowed myself to see my deep wounding, I know that it’s not your fault.
I know that I have experienced trauma after trauma that I had not had a chance to deal with. I understand now that the pain experienced on Earth for eons, I have carried with me in my DNA and cellular memory. My ancestral lineage has experienced tremendous struggle. And with this has come beliefs, patterns and structures that I have unwittingly been continuing. Until now. I realise now that as my old soul pain has bubbled up to the surface for me to see, at least as an awakened one I have had a level of awareness of what has been occurring. You, my beloved, have not. As you have been running your patterns from under the surface, in a way it has been just as painful for you. You have been slowly drowning, and you haven’t known why. At least I have known why to some degree.
Society has shamed you for your tender heart too many times. Society has put a stop to your tears. Society has forced you to be the cold warrior. Constantly ready for battle. Constantly on the look out for danger. And now you see me as the threat. Because I make you want to drop the cold, tiresome stance of constant vigilance. In battle there was no room for feelings. Succumbing to fear meant imminent death. Succumbing to your emotions meant vulnerability. And vulnerability made you an easy target for the numerous threats around you. Succumbing to emotions meant pain. Pain when you remembered me at home. Not being able to come back to me. I know now that there has been tremendous pain for you. The rift was once necessary for survival. But this is no longer the case. Now bridging the gap that has been created is proving difficult. Although I now see that you have experienced pain the pain has still been great for me, even with this new awareness that I have had. But at least I had some light to hold on to.
As I awaken more and more to the true nature of our situation, to spiritual truth, and the reality of the damage that has been done to this planet and it’s people, I can hold you in a place of a more genuine space of love. I no longer feel such an intense need to shake you awake. To try and hurry what I know needs to occur in due time. I will continue paving the way, by empowering myself bit by bit. By slowly and surely peeling back the layers that are keeping me from experiencing a state the I know in my bones I am here to experience. Each layer that I peel back will allow me room to bring back more of myself. To make room for the love that I feel buried in my heart. Buried because of all the times it has been rejected while out on my sleeve. A love that sometimes feels just out of my grasp. A love that although I have always known is there feels numbed by the walls that have been covering it. I am still frightened. I am still frightened of you not being there. I am still frightened that I will continue to experience more of what I have been shown. More rejection. More fear. But I will be gentle with myself from here on out. Just as I will continue to feel more softening towards you. Because I know that you are doing your best to awaken. I know that you may not be quite ready to awaken to the pain that is within you, to open up to the jarring this will cause, but know that I am doing my best to be patient. And I will be open. I will be ready to welcome you home.
Always with love,
Christabel Jessica xo